Is this a story about endings? Or is it a story about goodbyes? It might not be about either. Two years ago, we left our home in Brooklyn to come live in Portugal, and this week, we prepare to move back home.
When we arrived to Portugal in August 2023, our friend Sarah invited us to see the Arcade Fire concert from backstage. The band would be closing for the big Meo Kalorama which took place every year in Lisbon. Enthusiastically, we said yes, of course. It would be the kids first concert, and how adequate as this music played a big role the day Natalia was born. Sarah had told us that the concert would be felt like no other, because she and the band loved playing in Lisbon the best. She said it was something about the crowd, the high energy, and how respectful the Portuguese were with one another that created the magic. And that, we felt. The music filled our entire body and soul. We were moved! The kids were first overwhelmed, then so tired that they passed out mid concert. As the song ‘Wake Up’ came on, Natalia was sleeping on a couch, music blasting over her, unfazed. This was the song Natalia had used to call me from inside…’its time mom’. I was having the most powerful contractions. The pain was so insanely strong that Felipe drew me a bath. I slid in with headphones on, music blasting. I was transforming into something else and I knew then nothing would ever be the same. And now I stood here, with the same song blasting, amongst a crowd of unknowns, remembering the immense pain of that day. An old memory of hardcore growing pains, in a city that wasn’t yet ours, with a willingness to stretch our hearts and minds to grow into it.
When we left Brooklyn, I had picked a fight with time, and circled around wanting to slow it all down, but also to fast forward it all. One of Colonia Verde founders and my mentor, Erik Rydholm says that the best way to slow down time is by doing all the ordinary things of a day, in a different way. Your brain has to rewire to learn, which keeps your mind agile. Portugal has been like brushing my teeth with my left hand, all the time. New everything. New language, new way to be polite, new way to relate to nature, to food, to wine. And more than anything, a new way to relate to myself. A new definition of what matters. The thing that Portugal excels at most, in my opinion, is simplicity. The beauty is in the simple here, and the only way to catch that beauty is if you slow it all down. My rhythm has changed here, and John Lennon’s song ‘Watching the Wheels’ has never hit harder - I can say that I am no longer riding “the merry-go-round”. I gave up my fight with time and exchanged it for actually living it.
Now here we are, amongst boxes of things to take back to our big Brooklyn home coming. Picking and choosing what to take, and what to let go of, from the most philosophical sense, down to Elan’s lego structure. I feel a knot on my throat, my kids feel it too. Natalia coined the feeling as “sappy” - “Sad-Happy”. A dear friend Tacila, a Brazilian firecracker woman who I have met here calls me. ‘How’s the packing going and how are you feeling?’ she asks. I tell her I am ‘3D Sappy’. There’s just too many emotions, too many things learned. I am finding myself having to fold up my wings into a luggage, and its hard.
I appreciate my kids ‘sappiness’ ability, to able to take it all in. I want to hug them and amplify the “appy” part of the “sappy”, a mother’s instinct to protect from pain, but I also want them to always know that when change is needed and the opportunity for it arrives, you take it. You do so fearlessly, as life will reward you for wanting to live it so tenaciously. The knot in my throat disappears, because I have let it all out. With tears, I think of Natalia on that couch at the Arcade Fire concert. She’s cuddled up into a ball. What would it take for me to lift her up from there now? It would be so difficult, she has gotten so big! I think of all the things around me, and how impossible it will be to fit it all into eight suitcases.
Portugal, this isn’t a goodbye, it’s an ‘ate ja’. See you soon, my soulful land that never quite became mine but one I came to adore deeply. A new Brooklyn awaits our return, till then, time to sort things into boxes.
Here’s a list of things that make Portugal insanely special:
Caparica’s sand and lunch at Princesa
Wild sorrel yellow flowers in the Spring
Epic walks in Guincho beach
Tricky’s for Joao’s liberated food
Insaciavel for a glass of wine and staring into Yoko Ono’s eyes (go inside to find out)
Pinot Bar because there is no way to have a bad wine here
Ceramicas na Linha, your dining table with thank you
A Vida Portuguesa for your dreams to decorate a home. This location is the most impressive.
Tejo Bar, a speak easy of music
Ruvida, your Portuguese trattoria with great Italian wines. With emphasis on the “your” trattoria because its the type of place you crave to be a regular
O Velho Eurico’s rebellious spirit
Vino Vero’s energy for natural wine
Amor Records for the most perfect margarita and music. Careful because inevitably, you’ll get tipsy and buy a record that won’t fit in your suitcase…
The most lovely crew at Pigmeu. They’ll make you eat the most unappealing pig organs with a smile and it will taste delicious.
Careca’s crossaints (that taste like French toast)
Get lost walking around Cinemateca Portuguesa
Arkhe for the most thoughtful and impressive wine list
Feed your feminist at Salted Books
Late nights with your partner at Vago
Icon Shop for inspiring local artists and designers
Feeting Room for their retail curation. Warning: You’ll want the entire store
Ritz Four Seasons to brunch amongst elegant Portuguese families. Walk around the lobby - All Portuguese artists and textiles
Another incredible piece by you Amiga. You have such a gift!
Soooo beautiful! You have that ability to capture the essence of a place and a time and communicate it to the world.